We have a swimming pool. Most people are able to gracefully walk around the pool, swim in the pool on purpose or at the very least stay away from the pool. I like to swim but have never been a strong swimmer. I spent most of my swimming lessons trying to impress the little boys in my class instead of practicing what was being taught. But still I can manage not to drown. Usually.
We are surrounded by fir trees and so there is always stuff like needles blowing in the pool and I am the lucky one who cleans it, sometimes twice a day. But I also use a leaf blower to blow away the debris that accumulates on the cement surrounding the pool. In doing this I must walk backwards. I think you know where I am going here. The first time I do admit I was scooping with a net and just walked in backwards and glugged to the bottom of the deep end by the diving board. Fully clothed....yes with shoes and socks. Of course I was fine. I just looked like a drowned rat clawing my way out as the heaviness of the water pulled my pants down in the back. The only person there was the farmer who was in the house watching television. I tried the back door into the master bedroom/bathroom but it was locked. I ended up scratching red faced at the sliding glass door and asked him to open the locked door into our bedroom so I could come in without dripping all over the rest of the house. Needless to say he thought this was very hilarious and he who never laughs much guffawed for days.
So the second time I decided to
try to kill myself take a swim I was using our electric leaf blower and darned if I didn't do the same thing. Only this time I was beside our slide and it was like slow motion...my right arm flailing around in circles in the air trying to catch my balance while in my left hand I had a death grip (literally) on the leaf blower. No thought in my tiny little brain to throw that leaf blower as far away on the dry ground as possible. No, I had to take it for a swim with me still blowing, now the water. As soon as I hit the water I realized that perhaps I should not be trying to take my little friend the ELECTRIC leaf blower in for a swim with me and pushed that baby as far away from me under water as I could. I swam the fastest and strongest I have ever swam to the surface and clawed my way up the ladder and out. Fortunately for me there was a ground and the electricity cut as soon as it hit the water. However, I wasn't taking any chances so I slogged and squish squashed across our deck and unplugged the blower and pulled it out of the water. Again farmer is sitting in the house reading the paper and there was no way I wanted to admit that I did this little water aerobic. So I thought that I had found a way to sneak in and dry off by using the extra key we keep hidden for emergencies. But the screen door to the bedroom was locked from the inside. So back to the sliding glass door I schlepped and begged for mercy and an unlocked door. Farmer tried to pretend he was worried that I could have been electrocuted but then burst into laughter.
So tonight I was cleaning the pool after farmer went to town. No I did not fall all the way in this time. I managed to only fall part way in. Wouldn't you think I would get it? Perhaps I should be harnessed to the house somehow like you see those people who are working on a steep pitched roof. At least this time he was not home and I hope our neighbors could not hear my choice words. I do think that pretty little bird I talked about in a previous post now sings a different tune. I think I heard him choking on his laughter since the farmer was not home to do it for him.
Shouldn't there be a moral to this story? Like keep the door unlocked so you can sneak in to avoid laughter, don't walk backwards or better yet, hire a pool boy.